Random thoughts

I was around a couple of my friends today. One is a cutt-throat atheist who believes religion is nothing but a business. It blew my mind when he said to me, "Merry Christmas!"

I hate the VA. All this preach about support the troops, but not a single action to show. Trying to get medical attention/benefits is like trying to swim up a waterfall... with no arms. 

I found $83 in the pockets of an overcoat I haven't wore in 4 years. Nice.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

The song i'm currently listening to is great and brings back memories. It's Pantera - Planet Caravan.

Chocolate

Is so awesome. Not only does it somehow lower cholesterol, it tastes like awesome. My favorite would have to be milk chocolate with toffee brittle. I can't stand chocolate with wax in it. What a random post.

A new kind of pain

Today around... 0200ish I woke up to extreme pain in my upper stomach area. At first I thought I was having another one of my nightmares, but the pain this time... was serious. I shriveled up into the fetal position and started feeling my stomach pulsate from the pain. My tolerance is really high to the point where I could maintain a poker face with a knife lodged into my thigh, but this... this was special. I tried to stand up and managed to crumble back onto the floor.

again... I got back into the fetal position.. but this time I started rolling. I don't know what to say, it would have been funny to watch, but it was just incredible how much it hurt. After about 30 mins, I realized I could either be having a gullstone/kidney attack... or I'm just straight out about to die.

I reached for my phone to try to call 9/11, but I couldn't find it. (I left it on the charger next to the table...)
I remember looking at the clock at around 0340 to realize "oh @#$%, I've been rolling around for an hour.." I took at look at my guinea pig to see if I woke her up... which I did and she wasn't very happy about it. =(

I crawled back into bed after taking 400 mg of melatonin and 2 table spoons of peptobismol. After laying there in pain for about 20 more mins I just gave up and punched the wind out of my stomach and knocked out. I woke up around 0930 to find the pain is gone...

What a night.

These belong to me

This is the guinea pig I live with. She keeps me company.


This is the computer I built . It's currently my life.


This is my guitar. Music keeps me going.


This is my car. It needs a lot of work.

This is it for now.

How it started

This is going to be pretty long. Stop now if you don't want to read anything too graphic or disturbing. This post will be full of grammatical and spelling errors.

Everything has been desensitized with no names/places/etc disclosed.

One of many reasons I wake up screaming or sleep crying. Redemption for me will be in righteous fire.

It was a very cold day... almost to the point where the sweat crusted on our clothes was frozen. I remember wearing 2 pairs of gloves, my finger barely fit into the trigger-well of what I was holding. We were walking alongside a wall to get out of the wind... it helped a lot...

I remember it clearly... we were walking when we heard a yell. Sounded like "Coff! allen bihadi" (is what I think I heard). He was shirtless and lunged out with what looked to be a scimitar... I turned my bravo fast enough to knock him down but I couldn't fire at this...range...

I don't know what got into me... I dropped my bravo to pull out my shaving knife.

My arms thrusted into his torso and upper body repeatedly on their own.

I remember someone pulling me off... my eyes saw what I did. For a moment I saw the body stand up... it must have been too cold/numb to realize it's doomed.

The guy took a couple steps towards me. The slit wounds werent bleeding... but flapping... I remember looking at them... wanting to apologize. He looked into my eyes and we looked before he fell.

It was like a scene out of a movie.



I can no longer look people in the eyes. I walk through life and see people. How can I be forgiven for the blood stained on my hands. One day I will get what I deserve. This post was hard to type.

I'm not a pervert I swear.

I was getting my haircut at the local barbershop run by college girls. There's no real other reason I go there besides the fact that it's less than 5 minutes away from where I live.

Well, I go in and one of the girls immediately lead me to her chair (economy is bad and she makes more from tips... she says). I do my thing and sit there while she cuts my hair the same way I get it cut all the time. Blah blah blahbalhbalhbalhbahlblhabhal later, we finish and she leads me to where we get shampooed up in those high toilet looking head ... washing... places.

So, I lay down and close my eyes as she's shampooing my hair when I felt something real close to my face. I opened my eyes to notice that her... chest is less than 1 cm away from my nose. I instantly closed my eyes and hope I didn't look like a creep.

It was awkward...

Whoa! I'm not the father!

I was in an odd... situation today in my political science class. I sit in the way back, (where the cool kids sit) of class and usually no one sits around me. However today, some girl managed to bring her 8 month old daughter to class. Yea. Seriously.

Don't get me wrong, no matter how black and dark my heart is, I love kids surprisingly.

She parked the stroller RIGHT NEXT TO ME and sat down on the adjacent seat to mine... which makes it look like the baby belongs to me. At first, I didn't think much of it till... it woke up. It started doing the baby things and making baby noises to the point everyone was looking back with an angry face at me. I, being the dark mysterious guy that I am, didn't make much of it and pretended nothing in the world is wrong. The baby got loud and the teacher started stopped the class to ... "deal" with the baby situation. Just when everybody was about to start opening their mouths in retaliation for "my baby," the mother took the baby and left the class.

Odd...


I really hope no one thinks I'm the father. I mean... I would be honored to be actually, but not...yet...

A great sign

I think my constant use of biofeedback machines and self help anger management courses are actually working. People say they noticed a visible difference in the way I handle situations in which I wasn't able to before.

Starting it up again...

I recently started playing World of Warcraft again... I remember back in high school I was deeply addicted to the game and played it religiously for 3 years. I was one of the well-known hunters throughout the... warcraft community and loved the alternate universe I lived in.
I did realize that the temporary escape would eventually wear down on me as real life problems caught up to speed. Meh... I don't even know where I'm going with that rant.

Anyways, hit me up on Lightning's Blade - Solidux.

The beginning

I was recommended to make a blog of my daily life. Hopefully this will help me collect my thoughts better and see myself outside my own body.